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How to manage grief


By Alvin C. Agaba

When someone you love dies, is there such a thing as moving on? Grief takes a toll on you and can only fade with time.

Whether we like it or not, at some point in life, we will be faced with the realization of our own mortality.

As hair turns grey and bones frail, we begin to realize that life is precious; but inevitably has to come to an end.

We all go through a grieving process in different ways and there is no universal process of healing.

Sometimes the healing process seems impossible, it just lingers around and that’s because the love we have for our loved ones is heartfelt, it makes it difficult to forget them and let go.

It is a battle in our mind and sometimes we deny our deepest emotions to show. Part of it rejects the loss, which leads to one becoming numb.

Please note that it is okay to feel all sorts of things at that point; do not bottle up emotions because that might cause more psychological harm than good.

Companionship is key
It is not something that we want to avoid and there is no quick fix for it because it is not a scientific problem that can easily be solved.

People around us make a big difference when we are grieving, but they can either help or hinder the grieving process.

Sometimes, no words that can express how one feels, so listening could be a better option because no words can re-assure us.

One of the most difficult situations to bear in human life is the loss of a loved one. (Photo/NYU Langone)

Channel the pain
You can channel that pain into something creative like: painting, writing a journal or inventing something.

Personally, I believe that writing is a therapy because I get to pour out everything I feel and somehow I get the relief that I need, it is one of many forms of emotional release.

Do not rely on the five stages of grief so much, they are mostly applied to failed marriages or relationships and any other emotional battles one could be facing, but not for grieving a loved one.

The pain is too deep to just practice the five stages of grief, which are:
– Denial
– Anger
– Bargaining
– Depression
– Acceptance

These were analyzed by Elizabeth Cooper Ross, way back in 1969.

Though this is a little out dated, we need to face the reality as it is because grief is experienced differently for everyone.

For example you cannot bargain with death because when its time, it collects.

There cannot be denial over death because burial happens before everyone and that is when it kicks in that the person is really gone.

Biblical approach
The overall comforter is the Almighty God, above everyone and everything.

The Lord has no equal, He is the God of impossibilities, the source of abundant love, grace, mercy, goodness and power.

We all need the Lord’s grace to go through any kind of healing, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. Matthew 5: 4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

There is no greater way of finding that inner peace like the amazing way of God.

First we need to understand some pointers. God is the Almighty, the creator of heaven and earth, God created man, so that gives Him the power to bring us on earth or call us home.

2 Corinthians 5:4: “For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life.”

Earth is referred to as a tent. This is not our final destination or home, rather we are just passing through until we are called home.

When we lose our loved ones, we have to know that it was their time to depart.

As human beings, we have a tendency of saying the devil has taken our loved ones but am here to assure you, the devil has no power on any one’s life.

Yes the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy, but he can’t take your life.

Using the example of Job, a faithful servant of God, he was tested in every way anyone can imagine, everything was taken away: death of his children, destruction of his property, friends walked away and skin disease issues but regardless of all that, his life could not be touched.

That shows that for one to lose their life, means that God has allowed it to happen, it is always by His will.

1 Corinthians 3:7: So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.”

When a woman is pregnant, she will eat anything she feels and will go for antenatal care and do everything for her health and baby’s.

Her part to play is facilitating for the unborn child, but the one responsible for growth of the baby is God.

I normally call myself a “baby bag” because I believe part of my purpose on earth as a woman is to co-create.

That is why we are called ‘earthly parents’, the children we bring into this world, are not ours but the Lord’s.

This means God has the power to give life or to take it away. Nothing happens accidentally.

The author is an inspirational writer.


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