By Emily Sanyu
Like bad hair days, there is no convenient time for heart breaks to happen.
In my opinion, the pain of a heart break cannot be understood by anyone that has not gone through it. They might know of the pain but are not cognizant of it depth.
Heart breaks are soul-crushing, and worse still on a day like Valentine ’s Day, when seemingly lovers are exchanging chocolates, candies and having cozy candle-lit dinners.
My share
My experience might not be similar to anyone else’s, but there must be someone who can relate.
When I met Edwin, I was sure we would “grow old together”. Let us say I never thought a day would come when I would be crying over him.
We had been dating for a year and I was obviously ignoring all the red flags. I took his ‘bad’ communication for a weakness that he always promised to improve.
I was a fool! I thought that going for 2-3 days without calling me was ‘normal’, but it was eating me up.
Many are the times I contemplated calling it quit, but there were some sweet memories I held on to.
I have registered February 2016 as one of the worst months in my life because I was ditched on Valentine’s Day.
I had plans for the day. I had cleared my saving box and purchased for him a pair of clarks and could not wait to spend this day with him.
I had always hinted at having candle-lit dinner at Fang Fang restaurant and assumed we thought alike.
Even when I knew there was a possibility of this set-up being costly for the both us (we were fresh from campus and didn’t have formal jobs), but I assured him I could also make a contribution to the bill. Look at me trying to be understanding!
Valentine’s Day that year was on Saturday, and when we talked on Thursday, he told me he had wanted to see me the following day (Friday).
That Friday evening while having tea a restaurant in Ntida, I asked him about Valentine’s Day plans, but Edwin irked me a bit.
“I had even forgotten. I have to pick my sister from the airport and drive her to the village,” he said.
I consoled myself by trying to understand that men are not too detail-oriented, but honestly this was a day that was hard to be unnoticed. A part of me was not surprised.
I could not shake the feeling that something was off. He complained of being tired and given that he would have a long day the Saturday of Valentine’s Day, he wanted to prepare.
Me being the understanding one, I told him not worry, suggesting he goes to home to have some rest and prepare.
Little did I know he had plans with someone else. Seeing me the day before the d-day was a cover up.
When I woke up that Saturday morning, I expected to find a sweet message on my phone but I did not find any.
Once again I started excusing his absence. I thought to myself, “maybe he is still asleep.” But a few minutes later, his what’s app profile picture changed.
He had uploaded a picture of his hand holding a woman’s hand, with a caption: “My Malaika, it’s been three years of bliss with you. I can’t wait to celebrate many more days like this with you.”
I knew this was not me. Immediately, I felt sick. I caught a running stomach and was trembling at the same time.
My phone dropped from my hand and broke, but I didn’t notice till hour later.
A heart-break can be dramatic and outrageous. I felt sick; I was angry, disappointed confused and lost appetite.
Even when I asked what his profile picture meant, I was ignored. This is what almost took me! I just curled in my bed and began to bawl.
How I healed
I thought of telling my friend, who I was sharing a house at the time, but I was too hurt to thing she would understand.
“God is the only one who can understand this heartache,” I thought to myself.
I dressed up and took my confusion and hurt to a Church that was a few metres away from home.
“Finding the Church empty was a chance for me to wail quietly with no interruption. How I cried! Remember Hannah crying to God in the sanctuary in 1 Samuel? That is how I was. All I needed was for God to at least reduce the pain I was feeling.
I was not time conscious but I realized I had spent over three hours sobbing.
May be God listened; by the time I left I was feeling better. At least I could afford a fake smile.
And that was the beginning of my relationship with God. I prayed more, read my Bible more and went to Church more.
Before I knew it, I committed my life to Christ and got born- again.
I learnt about God’s love for me and eventually after six months, the pain was all gone.
It was gradual; it felt like each day, a piece of the pain was cut away. As funny as it sounds, it took me a heartbreak to accept salvation.
